“When we are shamed as children for being who we really are, we begin to doubt ourselves. We internalize the belief that something is inherently wrong with us. And this leads to self-punishment, self-blame, and self-hatred. If you grew up in a household that rewarded you only for doing what they wanted you to do—and shamed for what you are naturally drawn to—you may have grown up with a lot of self-doubt. And not much self-trust.” from Dodging Energy Vampires by Christiane Northrup, MD.
A brave question to ask yourself is, do you trust yourself? It may even be a question that you may not have thought of, but take a minute to consider if you trust your own thoughts, your decisions, or your choice in friends or partners. Iyanla Vanzant once wrote, “do you trust yourself as much as you trust to sun to rise and set each day.” It’s possible that you may find that you don’t trust yourself as much as you think.
In Dodging Energy Vampires, Dr. Northrup explains that even though the shame we may feel from our peers is hurtful, the shame that we may feel from the people who are supposed to protect us—our families, can be damaging. She says that “all tribes wound their members with (common) wounds: shame, abandonment, and betrayal. Tribes…use these wounds to keep their members ‘in line.’ These wounds come from expectations of the way things ‘should be’” Your tribe may be your girls, your family, or your squad. These are the people you love and do life with each day. You may ask why then, would these people wound you? The answer can vary, but it’s arguable that as a whole, people have a need to want things to fit in line.
All of this boils down to one thing: your opinion of how you see and trust yourself. What lessons do you think that you learned about yourself as a child? What lessons do you think you learned about how be a man or a woman? How did your tribe respond when you were brave enough to do something that wasn’t the norm for your tribe? If you’ve ever found yourself doubting your own actions, consider that it may not have started with you. Take some time today to think about your belief and trust in yourself. It may be the key to a more fulfilling life.