What is CoDependency?
Photo by Charles Deluvio (@charlesdeluvio) on Unsplash
As a child, I grew up around people who struggled with addictions and words like Codependency, addictive personality, and even “addict behavior” became very common to me. It wasn’t until I was in graduate school that I learned that Codependency doesn’t always have to be related directly to caring for a person with an addiction. Generally speaking, anyone in relationships, whether romantic or friendly can be co-dependent. By definition, Codependency is “ a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity.” It is NOT a mental health disorder.
Typically, codependent relationships are one-sided where one person is giving disporportionately to the other person by sacrificing their needs. In sacrificing, one partner may be attempting to please the other person. While “people pleasing” is another hot button topic, one thing that is a consistent theme for many codependent people is trauma and even childhood emotional neglect. It isn’t always about making someone else happy; for many it is often an act of survival that they may have learned as a child and it can feel very shameful.
8 Signs that you may be codependent:
You may be very self-critical.
You carry a lot of guilt and shame.
You have difficulty setting boundaries.
You may be quick to ignore your own feelings and needs in order to focus on the needs and feelings of someone else.
You may focus on other people’s problems even if it negatively affects your physical health, mental health, or even your finances.
Trust, intimacy, and connecting with others may be a struggle.
Routines, predictability, and consistency are majorly important to you.
You may overwork or overschedule yourself.
Can you recover from codependency?
Consistent therapy is recommended if you struggle with codependency. Typical treatment often involves getting in touch with deep-rooted feelings of hurt, loss, and even anger will help to reconstruct healthy relationship dynamics. If you think that you may be codependent and you are ready for help to explore your relationships, please contact us for more information about appointments.
By Brandi Lewis, M.Ed, LPC